There was a time when I was backstabbed by one of my closest friends.

He spread false rumors to cover his lies behind my back and I was left to deal with all the backfire.

People laughed and whispered in the hallway. Girls would sneer the word "cheap" as I walked by. Boys would joke and ask me out just to see if I would say yes for fun.

I gritted my teeth and just kept walking. I actually had faith that he would keep his promise and tell me why this was all happening. He promised.

I'm writing this a year later since it all started and he still hasn't told me the truth.

He was determined to tell his lies till the grave if he had to.
His reputation was everything to him apparently.

1. Acceptance

I was in complete shock. Even though people were calling me nasty names, and messing with me. I couldn't believe that it was his doing until I realised he couldn't meet my eyes anymore. He was guilty and he knew it.

It's a terrible thing when you lose a friend. It's even worse when they're the ones who backstab you.

You have to accept at one point that you're friend was the one who did this to you.
It wasn't you, it wasn't because it was friday the 13th. NO.

The sooner you accept that you had been betrayed the better. It helps you focus on the people who had been with you through thick an thin.

2. Fall Apart

Let yourself cry. Not in public of course (ahaha) but to your best friends.

The great thing about the 'downs' in life is that's where you really see who's got your back. You really learn how to distinguish who are your true friends and who are just acquaintances who remember you when they need something. It's the bitter truth.

Don't give me those excuses;
"I don't want to burden them"
"I can handle it on my own"

NO. Stop it. I've used all of those before and it didn't help me or anyone else. I just made my friends and family unnecessarily worried and sad about why I didn't tell them about it.

Remember... a real friend would always be like, "I got you. I got you."

I know what it's like to bottle up the sadness and it'll only drive you mad, I promise you.

So please let yourself feel the pain in order to get it out of your system. I broke down in the bathroom with my best friend and she locked the door and let me completely ruin her handkerchief (I washed it myself to make up for it ahahaha sorry love).

Trust your friends, they want you to trust them as much as they trust you.

3. Pick up the Pieces

I think this is the hardest part of every breakdown.

You're going to pick up the pieces of you and probably even cut yourself on a few shards that remind you of how things used to be.

It's going to take time. What matters is that you keep going.

Life is hard right now.You know people don't like you.

I was the type of person who really liked getting along with everyone and felt guilty if I didn't get along with even just one of them. Now a grand majority of them didn't like me.

What I learned from this experience was that people went with the flow. Sometimes people just pick on someone because they know you're the minority (not referring to skin color or race).

That is true and wrong at the same time.
Yes, there are more of them. (in most cases)
No, it isn't only you. You've got friends. You've got family. It may only be one or two but what matters is that you're not alone.

And that is where I found my strength.

Not in our numbers, but in the support my friends, family and God were giving me.

4. Keep Showing Up


I know it's hard to get up in the morning and get through another day of ridicule but do so anyways.

Sure, you can take a break. My mom let me take the day off from the stress when she found out what I was going through but I came back.

You have to keep coming back to school.

Not just for your friends and family but for yourself.

You have to prove to yourself more than anybody that you can get through this.

I know it's hard at first. I felt like I was suffocating myself for the first week, but I swear it only gets easier.

You'll only grow stronger from this experience. Your bullies will notice as well.

I made a playlist of inspiring songs and listened to it when I started feeling down. What was important was that I kept being positive and believing in myself.

The only time you really lose to a bully is when you give up.

Don't give them the pleasure.

5. Get Busy


In order to distract myself, I decided to keep myself busy.

I wanted to be a better me. A stronger me.

So I made changes in my life.

I focused on my health, I started exercising and eating healthy regularly. Not only did it make me feel amazing, it boosted my self-esteem a lot.

I focused on my studies. I studied like a BEAST. (AHAHA) My parents said they never saw me study this hard in my life!

I also focused on my relationships with my friends and family. I made sure I was there for my friends whenever they needed me. And I made time to talk to my parents and ask about their day no matter how busy I was.

And I am pleased to tell you that all my hard work paid off.

I started getting compliments and was able to rank top 4 in Human Anatomy from the entire college. (I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way huhuhu)

I rarely heard those snide remarks in the hallways anymore, much less in class. I'm finally proud of who I am and how far I've come.

To the reader

I don't know what you're going through, the backstory of who's fault was it, or where you're coming from but I do understand the pain you're feeling right now.

The heart-clenching, stomach-dropping, finger-trembling type of pain that makes you feel desperate and lost.

I hope my story and these tips help you in some way. "We outcasts need to stick together" ;)

I know you can do this.

I believe in you.